Love them or hate them, critics are paid to entertain us, and we love it when they really go in on a restaurant, dismantling pretention, rip-off prices and shoddy service. They can help make or break a restaurant, and can be both uncomfortably vitriolic and convulsively hilarious.
Here then, are some of the best one-liners from 11 of the best bad restaurant reviews ever, from the food world’s most respected critics, plus political writer Tina Nguyen, writers who have elevated the withering put-down to an art form.
11 of the Best Bad Restaurant Reviews Ever
I don’t know what could have saved limp, dispiriting yam dumplings, but it definitely wasn’t a lukewarm matsutake mushroom bouillon as murky and appealing as bong water.
Krystal T/Creative Commons
Renowned butcher Pat LaFrieda once dared me to eat an eyeball that he himself popped out of the skull of a roasted pig. That eyeball tasted better than the Trump Grill’s (Grille’s) Gold Label Burger.
There will be casualties in the restaurant trade as a result of the current economic turmoil; I sincerely hope London’s Buddha Bar is one of them.
The greatest mass delusion since Nazism…truly the worst kitchen to open in London since the arrival of McDonald’s.
Every once in a while, something genuinely remarkable would arrive, as if from another kitchen.
Mike Mozart/Creative Commons
I wondered how much straight Galliano would deliver me to a merciful death.
The meat inside the shells is small and shrivelled and dry; each shell contains what looks like the retracted scrotum of a hairless cat.
Mac 'n' cheese is real prison slop ... $32 on what is surely one the worst things anyone can eat outside of Rikers.
Its rottenness is both inherent and cosmetic; it is culinarily insipid and morally insidious.
It’s undeniable that L’Ami Louis really is special and apart. It has earned an epic accolade. It is, all things considered, entre nous, the worst restaurant in the world.
Hey [Guy], did you try that blue drink, the one that glows like nuclear waste? The watermelon margarita? Any idea why it tastes like some combination of radiator fluid and formaldehyde?